The simplest way to express how I feel about this #book is to say that it changed me. It gave me a new concept about the #difficulties of life and how to overcome them. I ended long-term #relationships ,took the first steps to changing my career, and discovered my connection to the #universe .
There was one name in the book that stuck out to me. I #remember#reading about the #GestaltInstitute of #Cleveland and thinking to myself “I wish I was there.” I forgot all about that wish and wouldn’t remember it for another 6 years.
In 2005, I had the wonderful opportunity to attend an international #coaching program held by #Gestalt OSD Center, a part of the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland at that time. Moreso, I was lucky to receive training by John D Carter himself.
After 17 years in the field of #coaching , I feel #blessed to have been recognized by #GestaltOSD and its committee for my contributions to the coaching world by #awarding me with Outstanding Graduate and Lifetime Achievement Award. I’d especially like to express my gratitude to #JohnCarter for being one of the guiding lights at the beginning of my journey into coaching.
What is the biggest value provided by coaching in your opinion?
I had the privilege to work with a lot of leaders and teams who contribute to the destiny and future of organizations. One of the biggest challenges that I noticed while working with them was focus. I don’t mean number crunching focus. What I mean is; What do we value as an individual, as a team and as an organization? What kind of legacy would we like to leave behind in our community? The country? The world? Coaching allows and supports clients to visualize a fulfilling picture for stakeholders which also includes strategy, behavior, and day-to-day actions.
How do you see the effects of coaching on leaders today?
When I was first introduced to coaching in the year 2000, it was something not well understood and was undervalued. However, these days, it’s not only multinational organizations that consider coaching as a fundamental support system for their individual and collective success. Today, mid-sized companies, entrepreneurs, startups, and their leaders also have discovered the benefits provided by coaching. In addition, it’s also something that provides value for individuals when it comes to managing their lives which will impact all areas such as friendships, romantic relationships, and their career.
What is the biggest risk clients face in coaching?
The biggest risk in coaching are the coaches themselves. This has to do with the fact that there is no oversight for those who haven’t been trained by authorized institutions which creates an almost zero barrier to entry. In turn, that creates a wrong perception that those who failed within their professional career became coaches. Due to this perception, trust in coaching may decrease in the long term. One way to reduce this risk is by working with coaches who’ve received accreditation from long-standing organizations such as ICF. Additionally, coaches and coaching organizations need to take bigger steps in educating potential clients as to what coaching is and how to find one that’s suitable for them.
How can leaders embody coaching mindset?
There are a few fundamental competencies which are must haves for leaders and even managers. The first one is the capacity to ask questions rather than providing answers. The second is listening. There’s a beautiful Chinese character which encompasses this. If you don’t listen with your ears, your eyes, your mind, your heart, and your undivided attention, then you’re simply waiting for your turn to speak. Even using just these two makes huge differences in supporting people to achieve their full potential. Leaders make their presence known not by having their voices heard, but through making others feel heard. Leaders build leaders.
What will coaching look like in the future?
I’m extremely hopeful about the future of coaching. Improvements in technology and AI will soon start to enter many different professional fields. For example, IBM has recently created an AI called Watson Natural Language Understanding “which can quickly comprehend and analyze structured and unstructured information in legal documents.” Although AI may one day arrive at the point of being able to understand and mimic human language, it still will fall short of being able to connect with us on an emotional level. This puts coaching and other similar careers in a position where they won’t become outdated or obsolete with the progress of technology.
On a cold January morning, a man plays six musical pieces from Bach with his violin for 45 minutes at a subway station in Washington DC. During this time, about a thousand people pass by the violinist, in the rush to get to work in time. About three minutes after the violinist started playing, for the first time, a middle-aged man notices the violinist, slows down, and after a few seconds, he continues on his way to get to where he had to go. The violinist gets his first dollar tip a minute later. A woman passes by quickly, throwing the money into the container placed before the violinist without interrupting her walk. A few minutes later, another man pauses, leans and listens, but takes a look at his watch and continues his way with expressions stating that he is in a hurry not to be late for work. The most attentive person is a three-year-old boy. Despite his mother’s tugging, the child stands before him and looks carefully at the violinist. Finally, his mother forces his child to walk by pulling him faster. The boy turns around and looks at the violinist, desperately following his mother. Similarly, there are a few more children, and they are all forced away by their parents to continue walking. During his 45 minutes of performance, only 6 people stand before the violinist for a very short time. 20 people give money as they are passing by. The violinist earns $32 during the time of his performance. When he finishes playing, silence prevails, and no one even realizes that he has stopped, does not clap. Nobody realizes that he is the best violinist in the world, Joshua Bell, and he has played the most complex musical pieces ever written with the $ 3.5 million violin in his hand. However, Joshua Bell’s concert tickets in Boston two days before this mini concert on the subway were sold for an average of $100.
This is a true story, and Joshua Bell’s disguise in the subway was designed by the Washington Post newspaper as a social experiment on perception, enjoyment, and priorities. Things questioned was: Can we perceive beauty in an ordinary place, at an inappropriate time? Do we stop to enjoy it? Can we recognize talent in an unexpected environment? The moral to point from this short story is that if we don’t have a minute to stop and listen to the best musician in the world playing the best music in the world, what else are we missing?
Motivation is vital to be happy and successful. The tips below will help you motivate and sustain yourself. These are practical and result-oriented recommendations. If you don’t apply, they will not go far beyond being general culture.
1. WRITE YOUR STORY
Write the story of the future you desire on a clean piece of paper with a few paragraphs. Write down what you are doing in the future, where you live and what you own. This will motivate you both now and in the future.
2. VISUALIZE THE FUTURE
Close your eyes and imagine yourself doing what you would like to see yourself doing in the future. You are running healthy, you are dealing with or working on the flowers in your garden. For example, if your dream is to open a small business, imagine yourself on the day of opening, greeting your customers and employees. Thus, you can embody your dreams.
3. VISUALIZE THE PAST
When you visualize the past, you see where you have been before and how far you’ve come. You understand how much you have achieved your planned goals and where you have made mistakes. This will keep you on the right track. Think of a driver, if he just looks forward and doesn’t take advantage of the rearview mirror, what would happen? Looking back from time to time is as useful as looking at the driver’s rearview mirror.
4. THINK BIG
Don’t be afraid of thinking big about your future. This will make it easier to endure your short-term failures. Obstacles will not be able to stop you. Because your eyes will be locked on the ultimate goal. Imagine that you will meet your loved one after a long time, would you be disturbed by the pouring rain while you are headed to the train station to pick him/her up?
5. TRAIN YOURSELF
Learn, read, speak, listen and try everything related to your goal or dream. If you want to be a writer, take lessons, read books, write, talk to other writers, participate in workshops.
6. BE TIDY
A clean, tidy and well-organized home, office and life are indispensable for a motivated mind. Physical clutter causes mental clutter. Have an orderly life, so you will feel more energized every day. For example, have a regular schedule for going to bed and waking up. Be sure to have breakfast and walk at least half an hour in the morning.
7. ALLOW MOTIVATORS AT YOUR HOME AND OFFICE
Include symbols, signs, notes or objects that will remind you of your goals and dreams in your home, office, car, wallet. These reminders will guarantee your motivation. Do you want to own the top model car? Then hang the pictures of your dream car on the wall of your room, keep it in your wallet and look at it whenever you need and remember your destination.
8. PARTICIPATE IN VOLUNTARY WORK
Help other people voluntarily. When you do this, you will realize how satisfying it is to make other people happy. At weekends, it may be a good idea to go to the Child Protection Agency with your spouse.
9. MOTIVATE OTHERS WITH YOUR OWN MOTIVATION
The best learning method is to teach. Help your children to be motivated, your friends to set more effective goals, and your spouse’s to reach his/her personal dreams. When you help them, you will actually be helping yourself.
10. SPEND TIME WITH CHILDREN
Spending time with kids will give you perspective. Problems or worries at work or in your private life will melt away when you play with your children. Children look at everything simply and even learning this is beneficial for us.
There was an old man in a village. He was very poor, but even the King was jealous of him… He had such a legendary white horse that the King offered almost all of his treasure to get this horse, but the man never sold it.
He always said, “This is not a horse for me but a friend. Can you sell your friend?” One morning, the horse was gone. The villagers gathered around the old man, “You old senile! It was obvious that they would not leave that horse with you. If you had sold it to the King, you would have lived like a lord until the end of your life. Now you have neither money nor a horse.
The old man said, “Don’t rush for judgments.” You can just say, “The horse is missing”, because that’s the truth. Beyond that are your comments and judgment. Is my horse being lost a misfortune or a chance? We don’t know that yet. Because this is just the beginning. Nobody knows what will come next. ”
The villagers laughed hard at the old man. About 15 days later, the horse suddenly came back one night… It turned out that it had not been stolen but it had left for the mountains. And it brought back the 12 wild horses in the valley with it. The villagers who saw this gathered and apologized from the old man. “Hey, old chap,” they said, “You were right. The disappearance of your horse was not a misfortune but a godsend for you; now you have a herd of horses.” “Once again you are rushing to come to conclusions.” the old man said. “You can just say that the horse is back. This is the only known fact. We do not yet know what will happen next. This is just the beginning. How could you have an opinion about a book by just reading the first word in the first sentence?”
The villagers did not openly make fun of the old man this time but “This guy is a real idiot.” they thought… In about a week, the only son of the old man fell from the horse and broke his feet while he was trying to manage the wild horses. The son who was the only source of income in the house would have to stay in bed for a long time. The villagers came back to the old man and said, “You were right again.” “Because of these horses, your only son will not be able to use his leg for a long time. However, there is no one else to take care of you. Now you will be poorer and more miserable than before.” “You have been caught up in early decision-making disease.” the old man replied. “My son broke his leg. That’s true. Anything beyond that is your opinion. God knows if it is true. Life comes in such small pieces and you are never told what will happen next. ”
A few weeks later, the enemies attacked with a massive army. With one last hope, the king called all the young people who can fight to the army. The officers who came to the village enrolled in all young people, except for the old man’s broken-legged son. Bereavement surrounded the village. Because there was no way to win the war, and everyone knew that the young people who were going would either die or be captured.
The villagers came to the old man again… They said, “It has been proved that you are right again”. “Your son has a broken leg but at least he is with you. But perhaps ours will never come back to the village. It was not unfortunate that your son’s leg was broken, but it was luck … “You keep on rushing to early conclusions,” said the old man. “However, nobody knows what will happen. There is only one reality. My son is with me, yours are in the military … But only God knows which is fortune and which is just bad luck. ”
Lao Tzu completed his story as follows:
“Don’t make hasty decisions. Avoid looking at a small piece of life and making decisions about the whole. Decision is what makes your mind stop. When you make a decision, the mind stops thinking and therefore developing. However, the mind always forces people to decide. This is because development is dangerous and makes people uneasy. The trip never ends. As one road ends, a new one begins. As one door closes, another opens. You reach a goal and you see that a higher target is right there. “
Buddha sits under a tree with his students. A man comes along and spits in his face. Buddha wipes his face and asks the man: What else? What else do you want to say? The man is surprised because he did not expect someone to ask him “what else?” when one spits on that person’s face. He has no such experience. He has always humiliated people before, and they reacted by getting angry. Or they smiled with fear and tried to get along with the man. But Buddha did not do either, neither got angry nor scared. Just plain other? he asked.
But Buddha’s students get angry and react. His closest student, Ananda, says: This is too much, we cannot tolerate it.
Buddha speaks: Be quiet. He didn’t annoy me, BUT you made me angry. He’s a stranger, he has just got here. He must have heard something about me, like this Man does not believe in God, he is dangerous, he is misleading people. He got an opinion about me. He did not spit on me, he spat on his own thoughts; he doesn’t know me, how could he spit on me? If you think about it, he spat in his own mind. I am not part of it, and I see that this poor man must have something else to say. Because this is a way of saying something; spitting is a way of saying something. Sometimes there are moments when you feel language is not enough; in deep love, intense anger, in hate, in prayer. There are intense moments when language is not enough. Then you have to do something. When you feel deep love, you hug someone; WHAT do you do there?
The man is even more surprised! And Buddha says to his students: You made me angrier because you know me, you lived with me for years, but you still react.
Surprised, confused, the man returns home. He can’t sleep all night. He comes back the next morning. He goes down on Buddha’s knees. Buddha asks: What else? This is another way to say what cannot be said using words. When you touch my feet, you say something that doesn’t fit in words and cannot be described in ordinary language. Buddha continues: Look Ananda, this Man is here again, telling us something. This is a Man with very deep feelings.
The man stares at Buddha: Forgive me for what I did yesterday. Buddha answers: Forgive you? But I’m not the Man you made that move yesterday. The river Ganges flows constantly, it’s never the same Ganges. Every Man is a river. The Man you spit is no longer here; I look just like him, BUT I’m not the same, so much has happened in this twenty-four hour! A lot of water flowed from the river. So I can’t forgive you because I’m not angry with you. ”
And you have been renewed. I see that you are not the Man who came yesterday because that Man was angry. He was angry, BUT you bend in front of me and touch my feet, how can you be the same Man? You are not him, so let’s forget this. Those two Men; The Man who spit and the Man who was spit, no longer exist. Come closer. Let’s talk about other things. ”
A person complains an average of 15-30 times a day. Before naming a person as a complainer, it would be correct to understand the psychology of complaining. Complaining creates a psychologically relaxing ‘feel good’ effect for the complainant. One of the basic needs for people is the desire to connect with others. People use complaining to actually build intimacy. For example, in the elevator, we look for a way to communicate with people we do not know, and for this, many of us talk about how hot or cold the weather is, that is, we complain. We talk about the flight being late at the airport to communicate with the stranger next to us. Complaints also serve as a basis for us to create a bond with the person we want to communicate with – building solidarity.
Without exception, there are believers in every workplace who complain about something, right? People who cannot find the peace they seek at work, those who are under the influence of their negative inner voices and who play the role of “victim”. So these people look like this from the outside. These people tell you, one by one, which department made a mistake, which manager made wrong decisions, could not manage, how company leaders made wrong decisions and how they managed ineffectively, from their own perspectives. They make good use of coffee breaks, lunches, meetings, and one-on-one conversations, and fill the atmosphere of the company’s culture with toxic chemical clouds of emotion.
It nourishes and enlarges the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness in terms of the feelings it carries and spreads. These feelings are contagious, just like yawning. I’m sure everyone has experienced this in their career. Even if we don’t, we are exposed. So how is it possible to look at the “complaint” point of view from the other side as an opportunity for “satisfaction”?
This area definitely comes up for me in my mentors that I coach. Some people are so caught up in complaining that they seem to be enslaved by negative emotions. In fact, they complain about themselves without realizing it, they see their own shortcomings and what they cannot do. Of course, we can also call it specialization.
No matter how negative and negative the “complaint” may be, it is actually a need for some people. It is also possible to approach him constructively from the positive side, because the complaint has great value, and when you see the potential of the complaint or make the other person see it, then the change begins. A husband actually makes one see this.
When I look at the issue from the coaching approach; Although realizing “what is missing” is actually a special talent, a negative behavior, everything changes depending on how you look at it. People may not know how to turn these abilities into a positive and positive side, and because they do not know how to express this, they may be labeled as “complaining”, “complainant”, at work or in their private lives.
Yes, the complainant is disliked, it is not expected and desired behavior, especially in the work environment, these people are not wanted because they emit toxic energy. It is possible to help both those who complain and those who are exposed to complaints with a coaching approach.
First of all, you can help these people by looking at them as “people who want things to be different, to be done differently”, not from the point of view of “complaining, unwanted person”. Companies that understand the value of the complaint are able to truly heal and develop themselves. This is why Complaints Management is an important concept. Complaint or you can call it feedback if you want, it is also perceived as a gift in some cultures because when you give feedback or “complain” to someone about something that you think is not right, you are actually giving them a very valuable opportunity – you are holding up a mirror – you are making them see themselves and help them change. You are giving your opportunity. Complaints are that valuable, yes – from where you look is also very important.
When the complainant is approached from this point of view, you can clear the complaint from ‘negativity and negativity’ and focus the person’s energy on ‘expressing wishes’. This will also enable the person to focus on the solution on the issue that he or she sees incomplete and wants to change.
When you’re a good listener, it’s not hard to see the formula that will bring out the desires between the lines of the judgment, evaluation, reproach, or opinion that is the subject of a complaint. It is very practical to be able to do this in daily life. “What is your wish?” The question has a very effective and calming power. If you remember, what effect does it have on the other side when the genie in Aladdin’s Magic Lamp says this
The energy and power of turning the complaint into a request pushes the complainant to think about it and take responsibility for the problem in order to find a solution instead of just voicing it.
The main purpose is not to offer a solution to the person’s complaint, but to enable him to take responsibility and guide the solution. Because as you suggest a solution, you may also be complaining about your solutions, such as ‘we haven’t tried it before’, ‘no way’, because instead of giving the complainant other areas to complain about, it is the wisest thing to ask questions directly. Other strong questions might include:
- What exactly do you want from me?
- How can you produce a solution?
- What can you do in this situation?
- Where can you start to step up?
- Who can help you with this?
- How can I help you?
So what kind of request is it to ask the person to “stop complaining”? It will not be enough to ask a person who is unaware of the effect that the complaint has made on himself, his colleagues and the company, to stop the action he has made, and it may have the opposite effect, that is, he may replace the undesirable behavior with another undesirable behavior. Instead, it would be best to be more specific and ask him to “turn the complaint into a request”.
Be the one to complain or when you are asked to turn your complaint into a request, remember that each request will have 4 different answers.
Yes: Make a request without waiting for this response
No: A clear answer at least. You should think again and generate new alternative requests.
Counter offer: This will lay the groundwork for a mutually common solution and you are on the right track.
I’ll research this topic and get back to it: Keep following.
In a society, when there is a culture in which individuals communicate their wishes to each other with viable counter-offers on complaints, the environment of ‘carelessness’ will be replaced by the ‘possible alternative solution’ environment.
How do you feel when someone comes to you with a list of complaints?
How do you approach it when it’s replaced with a wish list?
How aware are we of our abilities? There are many concepts such as talent, competence, skill, what is written, what we read, what is said to us. So how well do we know ourselves? How much do we care about our career story? Is our career shaped by our conscious choices in the details of a career journey that we have planned, with just a CV or where the wind takes us and swept it away?
This article is about a topic that I have seen in career development coaching sessions that I have held for a long time and that I find very important. “Many people – I am not exaggerating this – do not see an important part of the experience they have gained in their career journey, because they do not know how to look” It is not because people exaggerate their experiences; On the contrary, I say that because they do not realize some of their skills and abilities, they do not see themselves as sufficient or strong. The indecision about where, in which direction, how, to go creates an individual who cannot be satisfied with his career.
Each of the choices we make in our daily or career lives, the decisions we make, our fears, and our successes is a space, an opportunity, where we can showcase our talents. When you look deeply into these areas, there may be moments of happiness, moments of satisfaction, and moments of displaying your talents. Looking at your career from this point of view, looking deeply at the tasks you have overcome, not superficially, allows you to see the talents you have. In order to do these things, it is very important for a person to know himself, to know his limits, not to limit himself, but to what he can achieve. Even a simple task, job, project that you have to overcome contains many skills and competencies in itself. A wrong decision made includes a lot of new information and enlightenment learned in a wrong made. No one wants to remember the mistakes they have made, because making mistakes is negative and bad in our culture, but despite this, we can access many new knowledge and skills that we have learned through experience, just by examining the mistakes we have made in depth. We will see the values and skills we have when we remember an “achievement” that we forgot or felt small in our career.
By forgetting how the time passes, a work, a job, a project, a talent we have, a behavior we are strong in with our inner motivation – can and does bring out; At that moment, we cannot even imagine that this will happen.
When we do not think about what our talents can achieve, when we do not think about it; If we cannot see how our career has developed and what skills we have come to today, how will it be possible to predict what our short-term or long-term goal will be, and to go there?
Unfortunately, many people still look at career development as getting an education. There are many people who believe that their careers do not develop and stall because they do not go to training in their companies. When they hear about “Career Journey”, there are those who believe that human resources or their own managers sit in the driver’s seat of the “career tool” and wait for them to sit. “My manager and human resources did not promote me” is such a familiar phrase. This has certainly not been so for a long time now. Everyone is holding the career wheel and directing their own career in their own “driving seat of the career vehicle”.
Where are you? What’s going on in your relationship with your career?
Even now, while I am writing every word of this article, as I read, you are going somewhere different from where you are. This is the level of consciousness that will go to the non-working professionals who work sooner or later: “We shape our own careers” Is it to talk behind someone’s back when a person in the next department is promoted, or to challenge a change of job, more responsibility, risk taking, stepping out of the comfort zone? A choice in both directions, one that must be made consciously, not accidental.
What is the starting point? The question may be meaningful. My answer will be to know yourself, to realize your values, strengths, talents and achievements. Everyone has all the resources they need to succeed. Your resources such as success, skill, talent may be hidden in your career story – your personal history. Now the name of the treasure hunter comes to my mind while writing these; The name talent acvisi also fits well here. Your skills and talents that have been forgotten in the depths of your career may be waiting to be rediscovered. In my career development studies, many of my clients acted as if they had learned something new when they realized the talents they had about themselves. A counselor expressed that I have a feeling of “like the joy you experience when you find something that you think you have lost and that you value very much.” Yes, it is a powerful feeling to know oneself and to feel that one’s career is in the driver’s seat. Making everything that hinders your development visible, planning and realizing the actions that will overcome them one by one requires a high level of commitment. To do and follow this without interruption, an outside eye, a consultant, mentor, coach will focus you on the goal you will reach, and will enable you to arrive faster.